Are You A Penguin Mom? Cuz That's Gross.

If I bumped into you at Starbucks or Winco and you got down on your mom jeans-clad knee and begged me to tell you all my advice on education but then I realized I only had time to tell you one thing because I just realized I had to catch a train, then I guess I could sum it all up with this...

Which of these two definitions define how you are teaching your kids to learn...

Definition of regurgitation

1. :  an act of regurgitating: asa  :  the casting up of incompletely digested food (as by some birds in feeding their young)b  :  the backward flow of blood through a defective heart valve 

Definition of regeneration

1. 1:  an act or the process of regenerating :  the state of being regenerated
2. 2:  spiritual renewal or revival
3. 3:  renewal or restoration of a body, bodily part, or biological system (as a forest) after injury or as a normal process
4. 4:  utilization by special devices of heat or other products that would ordinarily be lost

Okay. Gotta go.

WARNING: CONTAINS EXTREMLY GRAPHIC LANGUAGE

Benny turned 7 last Monday.  Isn't he cute? 

 He endures being the youngest with dignity, poise and valor, which makes what happens next so earthshaking.  Our move to this neighborhood has been perfect for the kids in every way except for one small thing...the filthy language out there is like a wild west saloon.  It's like every one's being raised by salty sailors.  It's like maybe kids are repeating what their parents might say when they stub their toes.

Anyway, we were just now seated around the family diner table, demolishing our steak bites, fried eggs, roasted broccoli, and rice without anyone saying a word.  I mean we were barely stopping to breathe it was so good... 

...when all of a sudden, Benny says 

DAMN RIGHT, I'M HAVING SOME MORE.

Richard. Don't. Look. At. Me.  Must. Keep.  Straight. Face. 

Ben, let's not say that again.

Stare. At. Plate. Until. Composed.

Eleven Is Like...

If Mr. and Mrs. Rees have 11 children and not one of them has decided to throw out all of their crap before moving out to pursue adulthood and each individual child kept mementos from each year of their life and on average moved out when they were 23 then how many layers of crap is Rachel going to have to go through to find the back of the storage shed?

253 Layers

That’s 253 layers of ballet costumes, batting averages, Nursing school homework, badly written poetry, action figures, favorite dolls, original knock-knock jokes, and lots and lots of black widows that have been the only hands and eyes that have seen all thus crap for years. 

 If I’m going to be elbow-deep in these 253 layers then I get to write about it.  Yes, I am aware that the badly written poetry was from me but I’m still the oldest girl and in charge of everybody and everything.

Each child has three main layers that accumulate all items: childhood, high school, and college, all of which took place while living with our parents.  These layers were layered into cupboards, sheds, closets, and garages as the child continued through life until a human being was insane enough to marry into this hot mess and then the Rees child was gone…leaving the layers behind.  Whatever Rees child was left to take over that recently married sibling’s space was then free to move all of those layers to a different closet, shed, cupboard so that the unmarried sibling could continue layering his/her layers until another insane person came along to whisk him/her away.  I think the system worked great up until about the 200^th layer.  It was then that we could have opened the Massive Museum of Art and Artifacts of Three Decades of Reesdom and made plenty off of the ticket sales. 

It’s all under control now.  The big sister is here to rescue the remaining Rees babies from being crushed by the impending landslide of 253 layers of “really important memories that I just can’t throw away.”

I’m like a ghost-buster but only for Reeses. A Rees-buster.

The question is, who cares about my stories? 

Don’t you know anything?

A storyteller never cares if you want to hear the story.  A storyteller just tells stories to whoever dares make eye contact.  We think, “They’ve made eye contact.  They want a story.”  It’s the same instinct that the people who sell stuff at mall kiosks have.  I know you know what I’m talking about.  I got my storytelling from my Grandpa Rees.  You can’t escape until Grandpa and I said The End. 

So, you want to hear some stories?  Like you have a choice.

Our One Step Process of Choosing a Church

Lots of people have asked me this, knowing that I went to one church for almost twenty years and then had to move twice and find a home in another church.  I have been ruminating on this post for about three years now.  How do I make it profound, poetic, and powerful?

Oh my gracious...

Why do we overcomplicate what God has made so simple?  This is going to be none of those things because, quite frankly, the older I get, the simpler God's plan becomes to me.

Finding out God's will when I was 18...ten steps at the minimum.
Finding out God's will when I was 30...one step: just be faithful.
Figuring out marriage when I was 22...ten steps at the minimum.
Figuring out marriage when I was 32...love like Jesus.
Figuring out what church to go to when you overcomplicate life...20 steps, visiting 20 different places, trying 20 different times.  Worship too loud, worship too stuck up, pastor too trendy, pastor too legalistic, people not friendly, people too nosey.
Figuring out what church to go to when you keep it simple...hopefully just a couple of tries and then you stay there.

We have one must-have and it's this:

Look at all that GLORY.

Do they open the Bible and teach directly from the Word? Do they do this verse-by-verse and line-upon-line?  If they don't, it is so easy to pass over the uncomfortable passages, context, background and leave out the entirety of God's Word.  Psalm 119:160 says that "The entirety of Your Word is truth, and every one of your righteous judgements endures forever."  This is a nonnegotiable for my husband and I. After that, who even cares!  If a pastor is teaching the sheep the entirety of the Word of God then the entirety of the sheep will be serving and loving the body of Christ.  

Richard and I have both been on the worship team and love, love, love music. I told him what I was hoping for in church worship when we were moving to Washington a couple of months ago.  He reminded me yet again that that would be great to be able to belt out Phil Whickam songs in just the perfect key for my now alto voice but it's all about the Word and if it is being preached and growing in the hearts of the sheep.  

Ask God to give you a content heart.  Choose a church where you are being taught the entirety of the perfect, infallible Word of God and don't be so picky about all the other stuff.  You can worship God whether there is an organ pounding out "How Great Thou Art" or one guitar dude singing "Open the Eyes of My Heart" really off key.  (You can certainly pray that someone will step up to lead worship that can sing on key if you're a person that can tell the difference :) You can come with a heart ready to serve and love others and not be so utterly selfish and offended when you feel like they aren't completely serving you.  

See?  Super simple.  I love church.  

Married for 12 years!

Dear wide world of young love people that want to get married that are in love, 

Aren't you a bunch of cuties. And don't you think everything he does is so so cute. It's cute how he drives a car, how he slurps his soup, how he prays to the Lord above, how he doesn't open the cereal the right way. All so cute. 

Well, the game's up.  I just performed Chinese spit torture on you and now you admit he does have some annoying flaws. You also admit that you think you can change him...that it's your job to change him. That he'll "grow out of it." 

Hahahahahahahahahaha ect.

The fact is that the core of him...the very nucleus will probably not change very drastically. (Neither will yours, ya little sassy britches.) 

The very unhappiest I've ever been in my marriage was when I wished my husband would change and the very happiest times were when I didn't care the least bit if he ever "grew out of it." 

Dear young people, can you live with that flaw every day for the next 80 years? Then just assume it will never go away and you're all good then. Learn to get to the cereal box before him and pray a lot right before he eats soup. Can you not live with that flaw for the next 80 years? Like maybe he supports Trump? Or he wants to go to a church that teaches heresy? Or maybe he likes cats. 

If his flaws pass the 80 year test then I don't know what you're waiting for.

This is my boyfriend.  

He passed the 80 year test with flying colors. I married him.

This is us 12 years later.  I think he's hot stuff.

Actually, he has changed...changed a lot of diapers, and light bulbs, and my mind about indoor dogs, and his mind about Mumford and Sons.  He's my best friend.  The Bible says I won't be his wife in heaven but my mansion will be parked right next to his so we can listen to rock music and make omelets for each other.  Year twelve is going to be the very best yet.

I Like My Children WELL DONE

Really what it comes down to is that I want to see the service results.  We all know I gave up a shining, illustrious career on Broadway to be a mom and I want to see the fruit of this great sacrifice for my children.  I’m not asking for much.  They don’t need to speak four languages or graduate at the age of ten, I just want them to love and serve their fellow man. 

But seriously…it’s been a good number of years on this job and I expect model citizens by now.   

I expect WELL DONE moments. 

Why do I keep catching them in fistfights?  Why is it still a torturous fight to wait for the water faucet?  Why do they still compete for prime couch real estate? 

This is when I want to declare I’M DONE.  I’M DONE trying to make you serve.  I’M DONE teaching them to stop stealing each others' butt real estate.   (You’re just all going to stand for the whole movie and I’m going to stretch out and take up the whole couch.  Oh wow guys…you have no idea how comfortable this couch is.) 

I’M DONE trying to make them into model citizens.  If my graft chart doesn’t show major signs of improvement with these people, then I’m going to ask their grandparents to raise them.  They raised me and that was probably really straightforward stuff because I know me and I’m a model citizen. 

My children went with me to watch my baby nieces for a couple days last week.  My kids blew my mind.  They showed such love and service for those babies and such genuine kindness that I was blown away.  They went above and beyond when I didn’t ask them or require them too. I took them out for ice cream and gave them the biggest, grandest WELL DONE speech I could come up with; of course, leaning on my skills in drama and flourish. 

The next day they were fighting over butt real estate again but it’s all good. 

There will be lots and lots of I’m DONE moments and lots of shining WELL DONE moments but one day there will be that final WELL DONE moment for your child and that will be before the Son of God when He says, “WELL DONE my good and faithful servant!” (Matthew 25:21)

That’s the WELL DONE you need to pray for and place your hope in.  

What If This One Thing Could Save Your Marriage?

If affection could sanctify your marriage and maybe even save it, would you give it?

Affection is needed in your marriage.  It’s the glue.  It’s the duct tape that weathers every weather, whether you’re the giver or the receiver.  It’s the tall drink of water after a 100 burpee workout. 

Dictionary Definition of Affection: (noun) fond attachment, devotion, or love.

But get this!  It comes from the root word, “affect,” which is a verb and verbs call for action.

Dictionary Definition of Affect: (verb) to act on; produce an effect or change in; to impress the mind or move the feeling of.

Putting aside W.H. Auden’s use of H E double hockey sticks in the prior couplet, and his rather stereotypical life style of male, 1950’s Playwrights, his very quotable quote from The More Loving One is incredibly beautiful and biblical and needs to be framed in burlap with old mason jars full of antique eyeglasses placed beside it.

That’s just said just right.

As with all love poetry, he ripped it off from Paul’s love chapter in First Corinthians 13…

“Love…keeps no record of wrongs.”

Where in the Christmas pudding did we get the idea that the giving and taking of affection involved math?  Keeping a record is the very act of equationing and graphing and summifying which is math.  Keeping a record is why I hated my statistics class in college (Failed it.  Took it again. Nailed it.)  The whole unaffectionate notion that we are keeping a running tally of how he has affected us so far that day in that way or in that issue must now affect how affectionate you chose to be in return?  

That’s love math.  Love math is an affection-killer.  Love math is a marriage-killer.  If the losing of love math could sanctify(meaning to purify and make free from sin), or maybe even save your marriage, would you give it?  Would you whole-heartedly set aside your equations and affect him with your affection? 

You are already broken?  Dear sister, every time Jesus gives you a call to obey Him, He is speaking to your future.  All He says to your past is, “go and sin no more.”  Every time you open your Bible it is to remind you that His plan is to give you a FUTURE AND A HOPE. 

Step into this new day with no brain calculator running your love math receipt.  You know all those times you’ve handed the love math receipt to your husband?  Those days are gone. 

Am I speaking too metaphorically?  I’m sorry.  I read a lot of poetry.  This all means love and give and affect him and lift his head and don’t grow weary of doing good and never give only so he will give back and don’t give like a martyr and love him and love him and love him and pour and pour and run over the affection. 

Affect his day with your affection.  Be the more loving one and don’t mind at all when you are.