Tuesday, May 7, 2013

How To Drive Your Husband To The Rooftop in Ten Steps or More

1.NEVER make him feel special when he gets home from work. After all, your work is WAY harder than his so he should run through the door to rub your feet and make dinner and supervise the children and dab your glistening brow. Frequently comment that your job is much harder and much perilous.

 2. CONSTANTLY undermine him in small and big ways to your children. Make them aware of his mistakes.

 3. When he messes up go ahead and treat him like an idiot. Remind him of his mistakes often. Especially when YOU make a mistake. That's a doozy.

 4. ALWAYS become emotional when he wants to talk over something he'd like you to change. When pretending to grab a tissue, rub onion juice under your eyes. When you come back to the conversation they will be read and puffy and then you can crumple up on the couch and say stuff like "I just don't know if I can do all that you ask of me" and "I could have been on Broadway."

5. DON'T flirt with the guy! In fact, don't even shower. That'll show him!

6. DEVOUTLY treat his hobbies like they are not contributing to the better good of mankind and world peace and stuff. Show him in big and small ways that your hobbies are going to win the Noble Peace prize.

7. MAKE it known that you are much holier and act accordingly. Wave your Bible in his face!

 8. Do all that stuff every day.

 9. Don't stop when he asks you to.

10. Don't stop when God asks you too.

11. Disobey God.

12. Disobey God.

13. Keep disobeying God.

 Sincerely, Rachel's ugly nasty sin nature that would be doing these things if it weren't for the fact that God, through His perfect grace and mercy, saved me from a horrible existence and brought me into His marvelous light and showed me that marriage is a picture of His love for me.