Our One Step Process of Choosing a Church

Lots of people have asked me this, knowing that I went to one church for almost twenty years and then had to move twice and find a home in another church.  I have been ruminating on this post for about three years now.  How do I make it profound, poetic, and powerful?

Oh my gracious...

Why do we overcomplicate what God has made so simple?  This is going to be none of those things because, quite frankly, the older I get, the simpler God's plan becomes to me.

Finding out God's will when I was 18...ten steps at the minimum.
Finding out God's will when I was 30...one step: just be faithful.
Figuring out marriage when I was 22...ten steps at the minimum.
Figuring out marriage when I was 32...love like Jesus.
Figuring out what church to go to when you overcomplicate life...20 steps, visiting 20 different places, trying 20 different times.  Worship too loud, worship too stuck up, pastor too trendy, pastor too legalistic, people not friendly, people too nosey.
Figuring out what church to go to when you keep it simple...hopefully just a couple of tries and then you stay there.

We have one must-have and it's this:

Look at all that GLORY.

Do they open the Bible and teach directly from the Word? Do they do this verse-by-verse and line-upon-line?  If they don't, it is so easy to pass over the uncomfortable passages, context, background and leave out the entirety of God's Word.  Psalm 119:160 says that "The entirety of Your Word is truth, and every one of your righteous judgements endures forever."  This is a nonnegotiable for my husband and I. After that, who even cares!  If a pastor is teaching the sheep the entirety of the Word of God then the entirety of the sheep will be serving and loving the body of Christ.  

Richard and I have both been on the worship team and love, love, love music. I told him what I was hoping for in church worship when we were moving to Washington a couple of months ago.  He reminded me yet again that that would be great to be able to belt out Phil Whickam songs in just the perfect key for my now alto voice but it's all about the Word and if it is being preached and growing in the hearts of the sheep.  

Ask God to give you a content heart.  Choose a church where you are being taught the entirety of the perfect, infallible Word of God and don't be so picky about all the other stuff.  You can worship God whether there is an organ pounding out "How Great Thou Art" or one guitar dude singing "Open the Eyes of My Heart" really off key.  (You can certainly pray that someone will step up to lead worship that can sing on key if you're a person that can tell the difference :) You can come with a heart ready to serve and love others and not be so utterly selfish and offended when you feel like they aren't completely serving you.  

See?  Super simple.  I love church.  

Married for 12 years!

Dear wide world of young love people that want to get married that are in love, 

Aren't you a bunch of cuties. And don't you think everything he does is so so cute. It's cute how he drives a car, how he slurps his soup, how he prays to the Lord above, how he doesn't open the cereal the right way. All so cute. 

Well, the game's up.  I just performed Chinese spit torture on you and now you admit he does have some annoying flaws. You also admit that you think you can change him...that it's your job to change him. That he'll "grow out of it." 

Hahahahahahahahahaha ect.

The fact is that the core of him...the very nucleus will probably not change very drastically. (Neither will yours, ya little sassy britches.) 

The very unhappiest I've ever been in my marriage was when I wished my husband would change and the very happiest times were when I didn't care the least bit if he ever "grew out of it." 

Dear young people, can you live with that flaw every day for the next 80 years? Then just assume it will never go away and you're all good then. Learn to get to the cereal box before him and pray a lot right before he eats soup. Can you not live with that flaw for the next 80 years? Like maybe he supports Trump? Or he wants to go to a church that teaches heresy? Or maybe he likes cats. 

If his flaws pass the 80 year test then I don't know what you're waiting for.

This is my boyfriend.  

He passed the 80 year test with flying colors. I married him.

This is us 12 years later.  I think he's hot stuff.

Actually, he has changed...changed a lot of diapers, and light bulbs, and my mind about indoor dogs, and his mind about Mumford and Sons.  He's my best friend.  The Bible says I won't be his wife in heaven but my mansion will be parked right next to his so we can listen to rock music and make omelets for each other.  Year twelve is going to be the very best yet.

I Like My Children WELL DONE

Really what it comes down to is that I want to see the service results.  We all know I gave up a shining, illustrious career on Broadway to be a mom and I want to see the fruit of this great sacrifice for my children.  I’m not asking for much.  They don’t need to speak four languages or graduate at the age of ten, I just want them to love and serve their fellow man. 

But seriously…it’s been a good number of years on this job and I expect model citizens by now.   

I expect WELL DONE moments. 

Why do I keep catching them in fistfights?  Why is it still a torturous fight to wait for the water faucet?  Why do they still compete for prime couch real estate? 

This is when I want to declare I’M DONE.  I’M DONE trying to make you serve.  I’M DONE teaching them to stop stealing each others' butt real estate.   (You’re just all going to stand for the whole movie and I’m going to stretch out and take up the whole couch.  Oh wow guys…you have no idea how comfortable this couch is.) 

I’M DONE trying to make them into model citizens.  If my graft chart doesn’t show major signs of improvement with these people, then I’m going to ask their grandparents to raise them.  They raised me and that was probably really straightforward stuff because I know me and I’m a model citizen. 

My children went with me to watch my baby nieces for a couple days last week.  My kids blew my mind.  They showed such love and service for those babies and such genuine kindness that I was blown away.  They went above and beyond when I didn’t ask them or require them too. I took them out for ice cream and gave them the biggest, grandest WELL DONE speech I could come up with; of course, leaning on my skills in drama and flourish. 

The next day they were fighting over butt real estate again but it’s all good. 

There will be lots and lots of I’m DONE moments and lots of shining WELL DONE moments but one day there will be that final WELL DONE moment for your child and that will be before the Son of God when He says, “WELL DONE my good and faithful servant!” (Matthew 25:21)

That’s the WELL DONE you need to pray for and place your hope in.  

What If This One Thing Could Save Your Marriage?

If affection could sanctify your marriage and maybe even save it, would you give it?

Affection is needed in your marriage.  It’s the glue.  It’s the duct tape that weathers every weather, whether you’re the giver or the receiver.  It’s the tall drink of water after a 100 burpee workout. 

Dictionary Definition of Affection: (noun) fond attachment, devotion, or love.

But get this!  It comes from the root word, “affect,” which is a verb and verbs call for action.

Dictionary Definition of Affect: (verb) to act on; produce an effect or change in; to impress the mind or move the feeling of.

Putting aside W.H. Auden’s use of H E double hockey sticks in the prior couplet, and his rather stereotypical life style of male, 1950’s Playwrights, his very quotable quote from The More Loving One is incredibly beautiful and biblical and needs to be framed in burlap with old mason jars full of antique eyeglasses placed beside it.

That’s just said just right.

As with all love poetry, he ripped it off from Paul’s love chapter in First Corinthians 13…

“Love…keeps no record of wrongs.”

Where in the Christmas pudding did we get the idea that the giving and taking of affection involved math?  Keeping a record is the very act of equationing and graphing and summifying which is math.  Keeping a record is why I hated my statistics class in college (Failed it.  Took it again. Nailed it.)  The whole unaffectionate notion that we are keeping a running tally of how he has affected us so far that day in that way or in that issue must now affect how affectionate you chose to be in return?  

That’s love math.  Love math is an affection-killer.  Love math is a marriage-killer.  If the losing of love math could sanctify(meaning to purify and make free from sin), or maybe even save your marriage, would you give it?  Would you whole-heartedly set aside your equations and affect him with your affection? 

You are already broken?  Dear sister, every time Jesus gives you a call to obey Him, He is speaking to your future.  All He says to your past is, “go and sin no more.”  Every time you open your Bible it is to remind you that His plan is to give you a FUTURE AND A HOPE. 

Step into this new day with no brain calculator running your love math receipt.  You know all those times you’ve handed the love math receipt to your husband?  Those days are gone. 

Am I speaking too metaphorically?  I’m sorry.  I read a lot of poetry.  This all means love and give and affect him and lift his head and don’t grow weary of doing good and never give only so he will give back and don’t give like a martyr and love him and love him and love him and pour and pour and run over the affection. 

Affect his day with your affection.  Be the more loving one and don’t mind at all when you are.

Rachel Cook Likes This Book

I must convince you in one paragraph to read this book.

  The concept of this story was envisioned by a librarian and helped along by her niece who is a children's author and is about a female writer who has just endured almost a decade of wartime who then goes to a small island outside of the main island of England to collect more wartime stories of the not-so-long-ago German-occupied territory of Guernsey during WWII.  Do you understand how many layers of perfection that run on sentence just took you through?  A woman who is surrounded by stories can not help but overflow with this perfect story.  A woman who writes for children can not help but add such warmth and cleverness to this story.  A woman who endures almost a decade of constant bombing raids can not help but go after the perfect healing of writing down her fellow counterman's stories.  Every word is perfection.  Every horrible happening, every clever little bantering joke, every description of bomb raid and pie making was perfection.  It is perfectly told through a series of letters that make me want to throw away my laptop and sole communicate with cream-colored, monogrammed-embossed stationary.   I'll never be the same again.  

Have I convinced you?

(Disclaimer: It is secular so review before handing it to children.)

Birthday Blog So Read It

Thank you for all the texts, messages, party emojis, phone calls, Skype calls, nods of approval, sweet whisperings (those were from my husband) and over all celebratory atmosphere that you filled my day with.  I'm sure you all want to know how I pull all this awesome off.  I'll tell you since most of you are my juniors now and you have to listen to old people.

I strive for perfectly effortless.

Like this happy lady. 

But when it comes down to it I really feel like life requires a great deal of effort and I end up looking like this guy.

My real birthday happened when I was 14 which only makes me 19 so take that mathematics! No longer am I a slave to perfection or the heavy burdens of this world that cause contorting of the face.  I am a child of God.  If anyone or anything tells you that you can reach heaven by following rules and getting as close to perfection as possible than they are wrong.  You will quickly end up like ugly face guy.

It's all because of this.

Come to Jesus.

Love,

Rachel

THE SEQUEL: Kids Argue and Parents' Ears Bleed

  About 5 years ago Diana Krall came to the Hanford Fox Theater.  I didn't care about the $50 for the ticket. I was going and I was going to love it.  I went.  I loved it.  I love jazz and I love love love jazz piano.  I just couldn't believe how good she was.  I wanted to be able to do that.  I already had a sultry  smooth high alto voice (gained from lack of sleep not cigarettes like other jazz singers) and all I needed to do was learn to make my fingers dance around on the piano.  I bought Alfred's Adult Piano course and sat down before my children's keyboard.  I placed my fingers on the C chord and let loose.

  I sucked.  I really sucked.  It sounded horrible.  It sounded horrible for not just one day but every day for days and days and days.  It was how Diana Krall must have sounded when she was 6 months old.

ANALOGY SEGUE 

  I keep expecting my children to wake up one day and not argue.  I expect them to be able to Diana Krall their words into this beautiful jazz arrangement where the drums combine with the upright bass and the piano answers back in a perfect cascade of musical genius but most days they are just hitting each other over the head with their upright bass and drum set.  Most days the music they do make sounds like me trying to play "Jingle Bells" on our dusty old keyboard.  

  It has taken me close to ten years of parenting to figure out that it is going to take them their ENTIRE LIVES to figure out how to communicate in love with the people they live with every day.  You know how i figured it out?  I'm married to someone I need to communicate with every single day and it has taken us years and years to practice and perfect that and we still don't have it down perfectly.  And we're grown ups.  And then I had another epiphany right after the first epiphany...that's called a double epiphany.

  Teaching my children to communicate is exactly like pre-pre-marital counseling.  I mean exactly.  The communication counsel I give them is almost word-for-word what most communication chapters in marriage books say.  I am bold enough to declare right here and right now that if you are willing to put in the time to pre-pre-marital counsel them now, I dare say there are some future spouses out there that will give you many thanks.  

  I know I said all that and now you expect the formula but that's not how loving communication works.  It's not a science, it's a musical...I mean music.  One of the first pieces of advice that a music teacher gives to a student is listen to the greats.  Tune your ear to what great music sounds like.  Music will then be caught not just taught.  If you are a bad example of loving communication then that is what will be caught in your home.  Maybe the following checklist is something that you need to ask the Lord to change in your life.  I keep it in the front of my brain when I'm communicating with my husband.  The entire Bible is our manual on loving communication but if I had to narrow it down to the passages that I read out loud to my kids while they glare at each other after a fight it would be James 3, I Corinthians 13, and Philippians 2.  There's a deeper need for a specific type of communication with the people you live with every day.  Without it your home is not a peaceful home at all.  I keep it in the front of my brain when I'm communicating with my husband.  I'm going to keep this checklist super simple and to the point. I'm not smart enough to make it fancy anyway.

•   Think the best of people's words.  If he says, "I don't want to play that right now," don't translate that in your mind to "I don't ever want to play your games because you're stupid and your ideas are stupid and I have better ideas and we're going to do my ideas every time because they're better."  That's called an Intentions Translator and no one should allow them in their brain.  Don't change the meaning of people's words.
•   It is better to be kind than to be right.  I reiterate...IT IS BETTER TO BE KIND THAN TO BE RIGHT.
•   Just because their opinion is different doesn't mean they are wrong or trying to be contrary.  They just have a different opinion.  
• When someone is telling you about how you hurt their feelings or how something is annoying them, listen with no rebuttal-preparing going on in your brain.  It doesn't matter that the same thing doesn't hurt or annoy you.  It is better to be kind than to be right.
• If the communication is not constructive then shut your face until it is.
• NEVER speak in absolutes.  It's straight lying with your ugly mouth.
• Not being easily offended shows maturity.  Letting stuff go quickly shows maturity.  You want to be babies forever?  Grow up and don't be so sensitive.  
• Being kind is better than being right.

    Communication is never going away.  I tell my kids they will be doing two things every day of their life so they might as well learn to do them efficiently....chores and communicating.  I know.  I'm such a dream-killer.

  They've got to figure out how to live with people that drive them crazy.  I'm sure I'll blog about this again in a month because we'll never be done working on it.  Now you'll have to excuse me, I hear raised voices.